Diabetes & I

Hi, my name is Khadija and I have Type 1 diabetes.

I know it is a strange introduction to a blog posts but I do feel whenever I tell someone I have this condition its like I’m at a drug rehabilitation meeting. The main reason why I am doing this post is to give people insight into what life is like as a young adult with diabetes.

Diabetes is a life long condition which is caused by the body’s inability to produce or use insulin effectively (not because you eat too much chocolate *eye roll*) The pancreas which produces insulin is unable to control the level of sugar in the body and so results in low blood sugar levels (hypo) and too high blood sugar levels (hyper).

There are two types of Diabetes. Type 1 is caused by the body’s immune system destroying vital cells that produce insulin. Type 2 on the other hand is when the body doesn’t produce enough insulin to break down the sugar which is in the body.

I do identify as Type 1 although my journey started on the opposite end of the spectrum. I have been diabetic basically all my life, although I only started insulin injections at the age of 9 but I have been monitoring my blood sugar levels since birth. I was born 5 weeks early (which is what my name means) with a pancreas that over produced insulin. As a result I had to undergo a pancreatectomy (which basically means the removal of my pancreas) at just 4 months old which meant that I had to spend the first 6 months of my life in hospital.

Due to the fact that my blood sugar levels were constantly low I had to have a feeding tube installed through my nose until the age of 2. Then I had a feeding tube in my stomach til the age of 8. Back then I wasn’t so bashful about my condition and would be so proud to show off my scars from the pancreatecomy and my tube.

However, as I reached the age of adolescence I started to shy away and ignore my condition. I was embarrassed. Needles weren’t my thing so me and insulin injections didn’t really see eye to eye. Having to inject myself in public wasn’t my idea of fun especially the thought of people looking at me in pity.  I have since upgraded to an insulin pump, since the age of 16, which means I no longer have to inject myself, but have a small device attached to me 24/7. This has somewhat made it easier to manage my diabetes but it still feels like a burden nonetheless.

It got to a stage where I preferred to completely ignore the fact that I was diabetic, that I didn’t know anything about it or how to live with it, or even what type I was. It was like the condition was nothing to me. I was trying to live my life just as Khadija and diabetes was the et al part of my life.

However, ignorance isn’t so bliss when you’re getting side eye from your mum as a documentary/tv storyline about diabetes is on (it doesn’t help the fact that she’s a nurse) Nor is it bliss when you get a rude awakening at 3am extremely confused with blurred vision, slurred speech and shaking suffering from a hypo.

The blessing and curse thing about Diabetes is that its internal. So when people see me they just see me. It’s not until they notice my insulin pump then I get the question “What’s that?!” then I have to go through the whole rigmarole of my condition.

Even though my diabetes is fairly controlled and I have not been hospitalised due to mistreating it there is a lot of pressure on trying to maintain  a healthy lifestyle, diabetes can be so erratic especially when you’re trying to balance that with your education and social life. The constant finger pricks to monitor my blood sugar, weighing up how much insulin to give, when to give it, the type of food I consume, it all seems a bit much to ensure that one stays alive. But I guess it has to be done.

Diabetes doesn’t only impact my physical life but also external. Simple things like driving or getting  decent insurance can be difficult even if your diabetes is well controlled.

Don’t get me wrong I am truly grateful and blessed to have reached this far, and this condition doesn’t prevent me from leading a pretty normal life. I know that there are people in this world with far worse conditions than diabetes so I am thankful. Although I have had outstanding support from family members, friends and the NHS I think that people will only understand once they experience it themselves.

I do regret not attending many events for young people with diabetes growing up. It wasn’t until recently that I found out a friend of mine was diabetic and I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder. I finally met somebody who could relate to my journey, who could understand my rants about the long clinic appointments that felt like you were on trial and your consultant was the judge. Or going on nights out with a bag full of gluco tablets/shot juices (highly recommend the latter) hoping that the alcohol that you consumed doesn’t knock you for six when you get home.

Now, I feel more confident and positive about my condition and have started to take it more seriously as my health is my wealth. One day I do hope that the ‘beat’ in diabetes does come true and there is some kind of cure, as I wouldn’t wish the condition on my worst enemy.

khadija mary xo